UN Panel Finds Gaza Genocide 'Mostly Harmless'

A recent report from a discerning United Nations panel has meticulously detailed the ongoing situation in the Gaza Strip, concluding that an impressive four out of five acts constituting genocide under international law have been observed. This remarkable precision in accounting offers a reassuring clarity for those concerned about the finer points of mass atrocities. One can almost picture the panel, white-gloved, ticking off boxes, perhaps debating the exact shade of "intent to destroy" versus a mere "intent to inconvenience."

The finding that a full fifth of the genocidal criteria remains unmet should, of course, provide solace. After all, if only 80% of a population is subjected to calculated destruction, one might argue it's merely a "severe inconvenience" rather than a full-blown existential threat. The international community, no doubt, will now ponder this critical distinction with the urgency it deserves, perhaps convening another panel to determine if a partial genocide counts as a "buy three, get one free" deal on humanitarian outrage. One must appreciate the careful scientific approach to such delicate matters.