Trump Simplifies Disability, Now Just "Ability"

In a move lauded by fiscal conservatives and those with an unshakeable belief in positive affirmations, the concept of ‘disability’ is reportedly undergoing a strategic rebranding within federal lexicon. Unnamed sources, who evidently believe the glass isn't just half-full but overflowing with pure, unadulterated potential, suggest that all individuals will now simply be categorized under the umbrella of ‘ability.’ This ingenious bureaucratic sleight-of-hand is projected to drastically simplify oversight, as problems conceptually cease to exist once renamed.

This streamlined approach naturally renders many existing federal programs and protective frameworks redundant. Why, after all, would the United States Department of Justice need to enforce protections for a condition that has been, for all intents and purposes, officially abolished? Critics, often found clinging to outdated notions of civil liberties and the Disability rights movement, argue this might undermine bedrock legislation like the Americans with Disabilities Act. However, proponents contend that by fostering a universal atmosphere of 'ability,' such specific, potentially divisive, protections simply become obsolete.