Trump Demolishes East Wing To Streamline Visitor Flow

The East Wing of the White House, a bastion of quaint, traditional architecture, has reportedly been "optimized" out of existence. Sources indicate the demolition was a vital, decisive step towards enhancing "visitor flow," proving that sometimes, the most effective path to efficiency involves reducing a significant portion of a national landmark to a pile of very expensive dust. Future historians, surely, will laud this embrace of minimalist aesthetics.

This strategic deconstruction, enacted with the brisk decisiveness of a particularly impatient wrecking ball, promises an unparalleled fluidity of movement for guests. While the precise nature of the planned replacement remains, for now, a closely guarded secret of visionary leadership, whispers suggest a structure far more attuned to the exigencies of modern statecraft – potentially featuring significantly more gold-leaf and perhaps a more capacious coat check.

Such an innovative approach to architectural preservation, deftly bypassing the cumbersome regulations of bodies like the National Register of Historic Places, demonstrates a profound commitment to making America's most iconic residence not merely great, but supremely *functional*. Clearly, an old building is only truly valuable when it's gone.