Trump Admin Cuts Carbon Capture To Preserve Gritty Aesthetic

The US Department of Energy has reportedly moved to discontinue its generous financial commitments to a pair of ambitious projects designed to filter carbon from the atmosphere. This decision, it appears, liberates over a billion dollars previously earmarked for these futuristic "carbon-sucking factories," allowing the nation to breathe a little easier – and perhaps a little deeper – in its commitment to a more traditional, robustly atmospheric American experience.

Sources suggest the move aligns with a broader vision for maintaining the nation’s industrial charm, ensuring that our skies retain that authentic, pre-filtered patina. After all, a truly great nation isn't just built on steel and sweat; it's built on visible progress, a visual testament to industry that the stark emptiness of truly clean air simply cannot convey.

Proponents of the defunding argue that investment in carbon capture technologies risks sanitizing the very essence of national character. The future, they posit, should not be a sterile, anodyne landscape devoid of the majestic plumes that signify enterprise and unfettered economic zeal. Some things, it seems, are best left untouched by the sterile hand of environmental overzealousness.