Telegram CEO Detained After Failing To Declare All His Emojis

Pavel Durov, the enigmatic founder of encrypted messaging platform Telegram, has been apprehended by French authorities shortly after his private jet touched down at Le Bourget airport. The charges, refreshingly innovative in their bureaucratic absurdity, reportedly involve a grave lapse in his customs declaration: a failure to properly itemize and declare the full complement of emojis residing on his digital devices.

Investigators are said to be meticulously sifting through terabytes of data, attempting to categorize and assign an appropriate taxable value to every winking face, flexing bicep, and questionable eggplant. Concerns reportedly range from undeclared digital assets contributing to potential tax evasion, to the more esoteric fear that an improperly declared animated GIF of a dancing banana could destabilize continental markets. This incident undoubtedly signals a new, thrilling frontier in international regulatory oversight, where the sheer volume of one’s digital expressions now carries tangible, arrestable weight. One can only imagine the manifest required for a truly prolific TikTok user.