Startup Hires Brainless Amoeba As Chief Urban Design Officer

It appears the millennia-long human experiment in urban design is drawing to a close, not with a bang, but with a barely perceptible ooze. A groundbreaking new venture has reportedly outsourced the future of our metropolises to an organism whose most prominent feature is its utter lack of cerebrum. Yes, after 6,000 years of human ingenuity, trial, and considerable error, we are now entrusting our infrastructure to a sentient puddle.

The slime mold, a fascinating yellow blob more accustomed to decomposing forest floors than dictating traffic flow, is now touted as the next great innovator in achieving urban resilience. One can only assume its design philosophy hinges on maximizing surface area for nutrient absorption and minimizing decision-making, which, admittedly, might not be a radical departure from current planning committees. It’s certainly a unique solution to the problem of bureaucratic gridlock: simply replace the bureaucrats with actual goo. What could possibly go wrong?