Shocking: Rewards Credit Cards Require You To Spend Money

Sources close to the matter – primarily a brief perusal of any credit card application form – have unveiled a truly seismic truth: to acquire those coveted points for a free toaster or a highly-subsidized flight to Bora Bora, one must, astonishingly, *spend money*. Yes, in an unforeseen twist, the system designed to reward active consumer behavior by requiring spending... actually requires spending.

This groundbreaking insight, likely to send shockwaves through the meticulously curated Pinterest boards of would-be globetrotters, suggests a subtle yet undeniable quid pro quo. One cannot simply *will* a first-class upgrade into existence; apparently, plastic must be swiped, digits entered, and accounts debited. The very notion that rewards credit cards are not, in fact, philanthropic endeavors dispensing free largesse, but rather sophisticated mechanisms designed to encourage precisely the activity they then 'reward,' is a bitter pill for many to swallow. Perhaps next, we'll discover that oxygen is required for breathing.