Senate To Address Crypto Tax: Will Declare All NFTs Worthless

The esteemed US Senate Committee on Finance has, after years of diligent contemplation and presumably several intensive Google searches, scheduled a formal hearing to 'examine' the enigmatic realm of digital assets. One can only imagine the profundity of insights to be gleaned as our nation’s most tech-savvy lawmakers grapple with concepts beyond the abacus. Of particular interest, sources close to the committee whisper of a potential declaration rendering all Non-fungible token (NFTs) officially 'worthless' by legislative fiat. Finally, a government solution to the problem of subjective value.

This bold move, if enacted, would undoubtedly streamline the tax process, eliminating the pesky need for individuals to report gains or losses on digital images of cartoon apes or pixelated rocks. Why bother with market dynamics when a Senate committee can simply wave its hand and pronounce an entire asset class null and void? Such decisive action stands in stark contrast to the whispers of 'sweeping relief' touted by certain political figures, suggesting that perhaps the most effective relief is simply to obliterate the problem entirely. Tax collectors, however, are reportedly bracing for a sudden, dramatic increase in filings from those eager to claim a government-mandated loss.