Scientists Secure Funding To Verify Wheels Go Round

It seems our perpetually baffled scientific community has once again secured a hefty grant, this time to confirm a rather quaint observation concerning the very nature of current flow. At the venerable Bell Telephone Laboratories, a trio of eminent minds has reportedly spent untold hours, and no doubt an equally untold sum, meticulously arranging thin strands of what we are assured is genuine gold around a small slab of the somewhat less glamorous element, germanium.

The resulting "compact electronic device," which some are already optimistically calling a 'transistor' (a bold claim for something so fundamentally obvious), apparently demonstrates that electricity can, under specific and painstakingly engineered conditions, be coaxed into following a predictable path, rather than simply escaping into the ether with reckless abandon. One can only imagine the breathless excitement as the voltage was first applied, presumably verifying that, indeed, things that conduct electricity *do* conduct electricity. This groundbreaking 're-discovery' is hailed as a pivotal moment in scientific research funding, ensuring we never truly run out of fundamental principles to painstakingly re-evaluate.