Russia To Adopt Neighbor's WiFi Password As New Currency Standard

It appears the boundless wisdom of Russia's Finance Ministry has finally transcended its quaint objections to digital assets. Following a rigorously observed pilot – presumably involving several frantic attempts to locate a working VPN – the nation is now embracing the glorious future of decentralized finance, but, you know, centrally controlled and approved. The previous concerns about illicit transactions and shadowy anonymous networks have, it seems, magically evaporated now that traditional banking avenues have become... less accessible.

One can only marvel at this sudden, convenient epiphany. After all, why bother with the cumbersome, globally accepted SWIFT system when one can simply conjure digital tokens from the ether? This bold move to legalize cryptocurrency for foreign trade is surely not a reaction to any external pressures, but rather a testament to Russia's pioneering spirit and forward-thinking economic strategy. We await details on whether the national currency will now be backed by a particularly sturdy router.