Russia Plans To Aggressively Annex Your Wi-Fi Password

Reports from the United Nations indicate a concerning new front in what analysts are now calling "digital territorial expansion." Following recent assertions that the current conflict would extend "wider and deeper," sources close to the Kremlin suggest a significant shift in strategic priorities: the aggressive annexation of personal Wi-Fi networks. This audacious initiative, attributed to Vladimir Putin himself, reportedly aims to "secure vital digital infrastructure" currently residing on your router, likely near that dust-gathering potpourri.

It appears your once-sacred, easily-guessed password—be it "password123," "ilovecats," or indeed, "hunter2"—is now a matter of profound national security. Observers note this unprecedented move signals a deep commitment to truly understanding the digital landscape, one home network at a time. Citizens are advised to secure their devices, perhaps by unplugging them entirely, or at the very least ensuring their SSID broadcast is set to "Totally Not Russian." The geopolitical implications for your Netflix queue remain, as yet, unquantified.