Rogue Polish Dust Bunny Nearly Triggers Global Apocalypse

The global geopolitical landscape, ever a precarious house of cards, nearly crumbled last week over an incident involving a particularly tenacious unmanned aerial vehicle and a residential roof in Poland. International observers watched with bated breath as the sanctity of domestic architecture was tested, pushing Europe to the precipice of its most significant conflict since 1945 – according to highly reliable sources who have evidently forgotten about all the others.

The Prime Minister of the Netherlands, Mark Rutte, reportedly issued a stern communiqué to Vladimir Putin, demanding an immediate cessation of 'reckless behaviour' and reaffirming that NATO stands ready to defend 'every inch' of its hallowed territory. One can only imagine the strategic imperative behind such a profound commitment to a single, albeit slightly dented, dwelling. The homeowners, meanwhile, are presumably less concerned with global equilibrium and more with the escalating cost of roof repairs, a truly unsung casualty of international brinkmanship.