Retail Slump: Consumers Are Just Standing There Now

According to sources within the retail industry, a striking evolution has taken place in consumer behavior. Instead of making purchases, consumers are now standing idly in stores for extended periods, often engaging in activities such as deep meditation or shadow boxing. This phenomenon, dubbed "The Great Hesitation," has led to a sharp decline in sales, with retailers experiencing a slump not seen since the days of dial-up internet.

One confused shopkeeper, who wished to remain anonymous, shared his observations. "Customers used to come in, browse around for a bit, and then make a purchase. Now they just stand there, staring at the merchandise as if it were a Rorschach test," he lamented. "I've even seen some customers pull out yoga mats and start doing sun salutations!"

As the industry grapples with this unexpected shift, experts predict that stores will soon begin offering mindfulness classes and fitness equipment to entice shoppers back into buying mode. In the meantime, retailers are left standing idly by, hoping that consumers will eventually snap out of their meditative trances and return to their old spending habits.