Report: Poor People Don't Exist, Social Security Problem Solved

The burgeoning crisis surrounding Social Security has, it seems, been dramatically overblown. A groundbreaking, albeit understated, revelation from economist Tyler Cowen has deftly sidestepped decades of complex actuarial projections and uncomfortable discussions about solvency. It turns out the very demographic causing all the fuss – those requiring a safety net and often associated with poverty – might simply be a statistical mirage, a figment of our collective, bleeding-heart imagination.

This elegantly simple re-evaluation of national demographics suggests that if one merely ceases to acknowledge the existence of the financially disadvantaged, the problem of funding their future retirement planning evaporates like morning mist. Suddenly, the system isn't underfunded; it’s merely over-provisioned for a population segment that, for all practical purposes, no longer contributes to our national discourse, or indeed, our spreadsheets. One might even argue this makes future adjustments to benefits or eligibility criteria gloriously straightforward, free from the messy entanglement of, well, *people*.