Rents Unchanged: Economists Suspect Time Has Stopped

It appears the tireless pursuit of economic data has yielded a truly groundbreaking, if somewhat existentially unsettling, discovery: asking rents have remained largely static year-over-year. This profound lack of fluctuation has sent a ripple of bewildered ennui through the hallowed halls where economists typically forecast doom or, occasionally, slightly less doom. One can almost hear the collective sigh of a thousand abacuses seizing up in unison, unable to process such an anomalous non-event, making some wonder if the very concept of time itself has stalled.

Indeed, some now whisper that the relentless march of late-stage capitalism may have simply... paused. The usual vibrant "dynamics of the housing market" — which typically involves either skyrocketing prices or a brief, tantalizing dip before another stratospheric ascent — seem to have entered a peculiar state of suspended animation. While experts ponder whether a black hole has swallowed the concept of market volatility, or if this is merely the calm before a truly catastrophic storm, tenants across the nation can rest assured their rent is precisely as unaffordable as it was twelve months ago. One wonders if real estate as a concept has simply given up trying.