Quantum Leap: Google Now Requires Bitcoin Keys To Be On A Sundial

In a stunning testament to the eternal quest for innovation, Google has unveiled the logical conclusion of its quantum computing endeavors: a mandatory requirement for all Bitcoin private keys to be meticulously engraved upon a sundial. Apparently, after decades of physicists promising that quantum machines would transcend classical limits, the Willow processor’s latest "breakthrough" involves a computational loop so complex, it can only be resolved by reverting to security protocols from roughly 2000 BC.

This "quantum leap" effectively renders all digital storage obsolete, replacing servers with strategically placed garden ornamentation. Users can now rest assured their crypto is safe, provided they can accurately read their ancient timekeeping device, account for daylight savings, and, of course, physically transport their sundial across international borders. The future of quantum computing, it seems, is less about processing power and more about perfecting the art of stone carving under a clear sky.