Quantum Computers Learning To Count To Zero, Threaten Bitcoin

Quantum computing, once a distant promise of computational nirvana, has apparently decided to forgo solving the universe’s most complex problems in favor of mastering the art of basic arithmetic, specifically, counting to zero. This existential threat to all things digital, particularly Bitcoin, has been brought to our attention by a leading financial pundit, whose insights are always timely, especially when they involve dire warnings about the future.

The pronouncement from Capriole Investments' esteemed CEO posits that these nascent quantum computing devices, currently struggling to maintain coherence for more than a nanosecond, are on the cusp of utterly annihilating digital signatures. Therefore, the immediate, accelerated migration to "post-quantum cryptography" is not merely advisable, but a matter of utmost urgency. One can only hope that the global community of blockchain developers, already burdened with explaining why their NFT jpegs are worth millions, are prepared to pivot to an entirely new cryptographic paradigm before quantum computers learn to count backward from one.