Putin's Drone Barrage Delivers Final Word On Monopoly Game

The global game of Monopoly has, it seems, concluded its most contentious round. Mr. Putin, ever the meticulous strategist, reportedly delivered his definitive 'final word' on Sunday, not through a diplomatic missive, but via an extensive barrage of drones and missiles over Kyiv. One can only assume preceding rounds involved spirited debates over who rightfully owned Park Place.

This latest, and reportedly largest, 'move' demonstrates an unwavering commitment to seeing the game through. The message, we gather, is that when one insists on owning utilities, one must be prepared for the consequences, particularly if an opponent holds an extensive collection of 'Community Chest' cards. Clearly, the rules for this particular game have evolved beyond simple banking disputes.

Observers now ponder the true cost of 'passing Go' in this new, high-stakes iteration. If this sets the standard for settling property grievances, perhaps a global summit should simply distribute all properties, pre-empting further existential debates. After all, nobody wants to be stuck with Old Kent Road when the 'Go Directly to Jail' card arrives via ballistic missile, courtesy of the Kremlin. Maybe the United Nations needs a 'Free Parking' initiative.