Proper Skip Stacking Now Prerequisite For British Citizenship

The latest pronouncements from Whitehall confirm what many have suspected: the very fabric of our national identity now rests precariously on the efficient disposal of household detritus. Aspiring citizens, it seems, will soon face a new gauntlet, a crucible of common sense and spatial awareness, before being deemed worthy of the red passport. Gone are the days of merely reciting historical facts or demonstrating a rudimentary grasp of our intricate parliamentary system.

From henceforth, prospective Britons must prove their mettle in the art of the perfect skip) stack. Imagine the scenes: hopeful applicants, clutching their neatly arrayed planks and disused kitchen units, attempting to pass muster under the eagle eye of a newly accredited assessor from the Home Office. This rigorous examination, designed to ensure every cubic foot of waste contributes to the nation's streamlined future, promises to separate the truly committed from those merely paying lip service to the ideal of British citizenship. One can only assume that a poorly stacked skip now represents a clear and present danger to our collective economic efficiency and perhaps, national security.