"Pluribus" Premiere Prompts Global Severance-Induced Mass Amnesia

Reports are flooding in from around the globe, or at least from the discerning few still capable of recalling yesterday, that the much-anticipated premiere of Vince Gilligan’s 'Pluribus' on Apple TV+ has coincided with a rather peculiar phenomenon. Viewers, it seems, have collectively forgotten everything that happened before the credits rolled, leading to widespread confusion concerning prior commitments, personal identities, and the whereabouts of car keys.

Eyewitness accounts, which frankly are becoming less reliable by the hour, suggest a widespread inability to remember anything prior to approximately 9 PM PST. Researchers at the University of Oxford are tentatively coining it 'Post-Pluribus Pre-Cortex Reconfiguration,' noting its uncanny resemblance to the plot device from *that other show*. While industry analysts speculate whether this collective memory void is a cunning viral marketing stunt or merely the logical conclusion of peak streaming saturation, the immediate concern remains.

Who, precisely, will remember to pay their Apple One subscription next month if nobody remembers they *have* one? A truly existential quandary, exacerbated by the chilling possibility that nobody can recall *why* they wanted to watch 'Pluribus' in the first place.