New Study: Physical Keyboards Cause Irreversible Thumb Trauma

The burgeoning return of the physical keyboard, a relic many mistakenly equate with simpler times, has been unequivocally declared a public health menace. A groundbreaking, albeit vaguely sourced, new study reveals that the tactile satisfaction of a clicky button comes at an alarming cost: irreversible thumb trauma. Researchers, presumably with extensive experience in... typing, assert that prolonged interaction with these miniature button grids directly contributes to debilitating conditions akin to repetitive strain injury.

Gone are the days when ‘BlackBerry Thumb’ was merely a punchline; it is now a recognized, debilitating condition requiring extensive physical therapy and, in advanced cases, a total detachment from one’s device. The insidious lure of nostalgia, it seems, has blinded an entire generation to the inherent dangers of precision input. Indeed, the very notion of a physical key, once lauded for its 'tactile feedback,' is now rebranded as an 'ergonomic nightmare' by leading experts in 'finger health' at the Institute for Digital Dexterity. Why risk chronic pain when the gentle caress of a virtual keyboard offers superior, and frankly, safer, digital interaction?