New Report: Everything's Fine, Actually

A groundbreaking new analysis has conclusively demonstrated that all existing concerns regarding, well, *everything*, are merely figments of a poorly adjusted perspective. Researchers, presumably after an exhaustive review of their own personal feelings, have published findings indicating that global economic instability, escalating climate events, and pervasive social anxieties are simply opportunities to practice one's inherent 'glass-is-half-full' disposition.

The report, which mercifully spares us the tedious details of empirical data, suggests a profound spiritual re-alignment: if one simply *chooses* not to worry about, say, the latest inflation figures or the dwindling global freshwater supply, then, by golly, they cease to be problems of any significant personal import. This novel approach promises to revolutionise societal well-being, particularly for those whose primary 'things outside of their control' include the precise temperature of their artisanal oat latte. Critics, largely comprised of individuals without private jets, have been roundly dismissed as suffering from a debilitating lack of positive outlook.