New Indicator Confirms $113,000 Bitcoin Is The New Ramen

In a stunning development that will surely delight aspiring digital currency connoisseurs everywhere, Bitcoin has reportedly plummeted to a mere $113,000. For those struggling to keep up with the fluctuating cost of digital air, this represents a golden opportunity. What was once the exclusive domain of venture capitalists and money launderers can now, apparently, be considered the financial equivalent of a particularly inexpensive, albeit highly volatile, instant noodle packet.

Analysts, presumably after consulting their favourite tea leaves or perhaps an ancient scroll, have confidently declared this precipitous drop a prime 'buying opportunity'. Indeed, who wouldn't want to invest in a highly volatile asset whose value is so intrinsically tied to the collective neuroses of the internet, especially when a handy 'indicator' – a concept entirely divorced from pesky real-world economics or the average person's grocery bill – gives the green light? One can only assume these wise market seers utilize advanced algorithms, or perhaps just a dartboard, to determine when it’s time to double down on a digital currency renowned for its unpredictable gymnastics. Perhaps even the Federal Reserve could learn a thing or two.