Musk Shifts Bitcoin To Secure Moon-Based Server Farm for X

Sources close to the celestial economy, or at least, those with a very fast internet connection to the lunar surface, report that a substantial cache of Bitcoin has begun its long journey skyward. Roughly $133 million worth of the digital currency, previously residing in more terrestrial wallets linked to SpaceX, is apparently being relocated to a top-secret, naturally climate-controlled server farm on the Moon. This move, ostensibly spearheaded by the tireless visionary behind everything from reusable rockets to that irritating persistent cough you can’t quite shake, aims to ensure unparalleled data security for the burgeoning financial ambitions of X.

Analysts suggest this orbital banking initiative is less about mitigating terrestrial cyber threats and more about securing a cosmic monopoly on high-speed decentralized finance, conveniently out of reach of earthly regulations and, presumably, anyone with a functioning internet browser. While the logistical complexities of maintaining a lunar data center – including ensuring adequate ventilation and preventing vacuum-induced server implosions – remain a delightful enigma, the move certainly guarantees one thing: should global civilization collapse, at least our meme coins will be safe, orbiting serenely, just beyond the reach of the unwashed masses.