Musk Hints SpaceX IPO Might Fund Colonization of Next Galaxy

The aerospace firm SpaceX is reportedly nearing a monumental valuation, comfortably eclipsing even the most ambitious projections for digital intelligence purveyor OpenAI. This financial maneuver, involving the sale of insider shares and the whisper of an Initial Public Offering by 2026, is, of course, merely a trivial administrative hurdle. One must acquire capital, after all, if one intends to fund the foundational infrastructure for humanity's eventual, and apparently inevitable, expansion beyond the Milky Way itself. Small change, really, when you're buying a galaxy.

One can only assume that the pioneer spirit, long dormant since we conquered the trivialities of our own solar system, now burns brighter than a rocket booster. Investors, naturally, are keen to secure their preferred shares in the Andromeda real estate market. The only logical next step is to pool enough resources to send an advance team, presumably armed with artisanal coffee and venture capitalist term sheets, to scout suitable planetary systems. Earth, it seems, has become rather quaint.