Moon Asteroid Threatens Pristine Image; Destruction Imminent

It seems the cosmic order, much like one's carefully curated social media feed, is under threat. A rather impertinent celestial body, known only as `2024 YR4`, has dared to eye our dignified Moon with a 4% chance of impact in a mere seven years. This, of course, is entirely unacceptable. Imagine the sheer audacity: a new, unsolicited pockmark on humanity's celestial billboard. Where would the indignity end?

Fortunately, our vigilant astronomers are already scrambling, not to prevent existential threats to our own planet, but to ensure Luna's flawless complexion remains unblemished. Discussions are undoubtedly underway at esteemed institutions like NASA regarding the most decorous method of vaporizing this impertinent asteroid. After all, some things are simply beyond the pale, and a spontaneous, naturally occurring crater on a lifeless rock billions of years old is apparently one of them. We must maintain standards, even in the vacuum of space.