Messi Inks Deal To Collect Pension With Inter Miami, Sources Say

Confirming whispers from the deepest corners of the internet, sources close to the situation indicate that Lionel Messi has indeed committed his immediate future to Inter Miami with a multi-year agreement that many are describing as less a sporting contract and more a carefully structured retirement annuity. The arrangement reportedly ensures the Argentine maestro will continue his valiant efforts to redefine professional football from the comfort of a slightly less demanding schedule, while also securing his post-career financial stability several decades in advance.

This groundbreaking deal positions the Major League Soccer as a premier destination for elite athletes contemplating their glorious twilight years, offering lush green pitches and, presumably, excellent healthcare benefits. Industry analysts suggest Messi’s continued presence stateside ahead of the 2026 FIFA World Cup is a testament to his foresight, ensuring he remains perfectly positioned for a cameo appearance, or at the very least, a brand ambassador role, should his legs, or indeed his enthusiasm, still vaguely recall the sensation of kicking a ball.