Man Successfully Pretends To Read All 10 Weekend Reads

The heroic Mr. Bartholomew "Barty" Finch has reportedly achieved the impossible: successfully *pretending* to have absorbed all ten 'longer-form' weekend reads. Eyewitnesses describe his morning ritual, which began with a meticulously brewed mug of obscure Colombia Tolima peaberry organic coffee, sipped contemplatively on a sun-dappled patio, perfectly embodying the curated coffee culture aesthetic.

His 'reading' technique, which involved rapidly scrolling through each article, stopping only to nod sagely at the mention of a particularly egregious Tesla software update, is a masterclass in the modern art of performative literacy. The critical takeaway, it seems, wasn't the nuanced analysis characteristic of long-form journalism, but the palpable sense of intellectual superiority derived from merely *knowing* such content existed. Mr. Finch's triumph against information overload will undoubtedly inspire a generation to similarly skim their way to apparent enlightenment.