London Underground Advises Against Unregulated Crying Episodes

The venerable London Underground has, with characteristic stoicism, apparently issued guidance warning against spontaneous displays of lachrymal output following a recent incident involving Frankie Bridge. Sources close to the subterranean network suggest that an unchecked celebrity tear-duct malfunction could, in theory, cause a minor slip hazard or, worse, a momentary lapse in the collective, solemn silence of the daily commute.

Commuters are now gently reminded that emotional release, if absolutely necessary, should preferably occur in a controlled environment, perhaps a sound-proofed cubicle at one's destination, or indeed, safely tucked away in the privacy of one's own bespoke panic room. The network, after all, is designed for efficient transit, not for processing the intricate emotional landscapes of its esteemed clientele, especially not those accustomed to the relentless gaze of celebrity culture.

One can only imagine the logistical nightmare of formalising a 'crying carriage' or introducing a tiered permit system for 'premium' public weeping. While the tube journey itself is often a prime catalyst for existential despair, officials hope passengers will continue to internalise their woes with the traditional British fortitude, perhaps employing advanced emotion regulation techniques, that keeps the trains (and social order) running, however delayed.