Local Pod of Whales Now Owns Majority of Global Bitcoin Supply

It appears that while mere mortals grapple with grocery bills and the existential dread of *actual* global warming, a discerning pod of cetaceans has been busily shoring up its financial future. Recent observations indicate a single, particularly ambitious "whale" has added a cool $356.6 million in Bitcoin to its presumably vast, oceanic coffers. This strategic positioning, we are told, signals robust "market confidence"—though whether that confidence stems from an intrinsic understanding of decentralized finance or simply a preternatural instinct for hoarding shiny digital objects remains unclear.

Analysts, who I’m sure are frantically trying to decipher blowhole patterns for trading signals, suggest this accumulation by such significant cryptocurrency holders implies a future price recovery. One can only imagine the kind of volatility these sophisticated marine mammals could unleash should they decide to, say, fund an underwater city or simply corner the market on plankton futures. It certainly puts those human-centric discussions about wealth disparity into a humbling, saline-infused perspective.