Local Mom & Pop Shop Explores Concussion Liability Waivers

It appears the humble small business, once content with the quaint perils of sprained ankles from uneven flooring or the occasional papercut, is now looking to the titans of televised violence for guidance. A forward-thinking proprietor, known only for their artisanal beeswax candles and organic dog biscuits, is reportedly exploring novel approaches to risk mitigation. Specifically, sources close to the family say they are eyeing the comprehensive frameworks pioneered by the National Football League for handling occupational hazards.

The inspiration, it seems, stems from the NFL's robust methods for addressing player welfare, particularly regarding head injuries. Our enterprising entrepreneur is reportedly drafting a new "customer acknowledgement of risk" form, which would require patrons to absolve the business of responsibility for any potential cerebral trauma sustained while, say, reaching for the last jar of kimchi or experiencing whiplash from an overly enthusiastic greeting from the family chihuahua. The document, we hear, is a sophisticated liability waiver designed to pre-emptively manage the inevitable concussion epidemic anticipated from browsing handmade crafts.