Kidman Photographed Existing; Friends Confirm Humiliation

The world, poised on the edge of its collective seat, finally exhaled this week as acclaimed actress Nicole Kidman, 58, was reportedly spotted existing in a public space. Photographed near Nashville, Tennessee, the star apparently undertook the astonishing feat of a 'hike,' prompting immediate and widespread speculation about her intentions, her footwear, and indeed, the very fabric of reality itself.

This brave re-emergence marks her first known public instance of oxygen consumption since the 'collapse' of her nearly two-decade union with country crooner Keith Urban, 57. Anonymous sources, identified only as 'friends' — presumably the kind who disseminate your personal travails to the highest bidder on the tabloid circuit — have detailed her profound 'humiliation.' One can only surmise this fresh indignity stems from the sheer audacity of being seen, post-split, with a discernible pulse. The sheer effrontery of it all. Perhaps her next act of rebellion will be a casual stroll to acquire milk.