Kentucky To Distribute 3-pointers By Astrological Sign

The Kentucky Wildcats coaching staff, under the visionary leadership of Mark Pope, has unveiled a groundbreaking strategy for the upcoming season, reportedly revolutionizing offensive distribution. Eschewing the antiquated metrics of "player skill" or "court position," sources indicate a decisive pivot towards cosmic alignment. Gone are the days of shot attempts being dictated by mere earthly talent; now, the very stars will decree who attempts the coveted three-pointer.

This bold, analytical approach reportedly involves a detailed assessment of each player's natal chart, with shooting opportunities meticulously assigned based on planetary aspects and moon phases. Sagittarians, naturally inclined towards long-distance endeavors, may find themselves with an unprecedented volume of attempts, while more grounded earth signs might be relegated to defensive duties. This undoubtedly guarantees maximum offensive efficiency, aligning individual destinies with collective team success, because what could possibly be more scientific than consulting the celestial sphere for optimal shot distribution? We await the inevitable surge in team GPA as players are encouraged to study astrology alongside their playbooks.