Judge Dismisses Trump Suit: He Just Added Zeros

A Florida judge, in a move surprising precisely no one who has ever reviewed a basic ledger, has dismissed the former President's prodigious $15 billion defamation lawsuit against The New York Times. Reports indicate the astronomical figure was arrived at through a method best described as 'enthusiastic multiplication,' with several zeros appearing to materialize *ex nihilo* on the claim form. One can only imagine the arduous hours the judiciary spent attempting to verify the existence of such damages, presumably after consulting advanced theoretical mathematics and various cryptocurrency schematics.

The dismissal serves as a poignant reminder that even the most fervent assertions occasionally require, shall we say, a basis in reality. Despite the former Commander-in-Chief's penchant for significant numbers – whether for crowd sizes or property values – the court remained stubbornly unimpressed by figures conjured with what appeared to be a Sharpie and boundless optimism. He was last seen addressing reporters before ascending to what one presumes was Air Force One, presumably not contemplating the potential for a *new* lawsuit against the judge, but one never truly knows.