Influencer's Guilt Now Beyond Meat's Most Ethical Ingredient

It appears the burgeoning sector of digital financial influence has finally discovered its moral compass, albeit one that only points firmly away from the 'sell' button. One prominent 'bull' for Beyond Meat, known affectionately as "Capybara Stocks" – presumably for his serene, unblinking dedication to grazing on market opportunities – has confessed a profound sense of ethical paralysis. Having assiduously inflated the latest meme stock sensation, he now finds himself in the unenviable position of feeling 'guilty' should he divest.

This isn't merely about profit, you see; it’s about *integrity*. The market, it seems, has become less a battleground of assets and more a meditation retreat for high-stakes traders seeking spiritual enlightenment. One can only imagine the arduous inner turmoil involved in orchestrating a speculative frenzy, only to be consumed by the weight of one's own success. His eventual 'relief' once the market turbulence he helped incite finally subsides will, no doubt, be a testament to his profound emotional depth.

Indeed, this newfound conscience must be considered Beyond Meat's most innovative ingredient yet: ethically sourced remorse, providing a much-needed emotional protein to balance the plant-based portfolio. One might even argue it's more substantial than the pea protein itself.