Fugitive's Avocado Bag Prompts Urgent Intelligence Briefing

The nation’s top security apparatus was reportedly scrambled late Friday night following credible intelligence concerning a man and, more critically, his perplexing choice of carry-all. Suspect Hadush Kebatu, previously noted for rather more pedestrian allegations, was last observed in the vibrant, discerning streets of Hackney, conspicuously toting what sources could only describe as an "avocado bag." Experts are now pondering the strategic implications of such an accessory, debating whether it signifies an affinity for artisanal toast, a subtle coded message, or simply a deep, existential commitment to millennial clichés.

An urgent intelligence briefing was convened, sources suggest, with focus groups reportedly analysing the bag's material, stitching, and potential ethical sourcing implications. While the individual himself remains at large following a regrettable administrative oversight, the true investigative challenge, it seems, lies in decoding the semiotics of his fashionable, fruit-themed accoutrement. Concerns are mounting that this seemingly innocuous item might represent a gateway to further, perhaps even trendier, criminal enterprises.

Authorities are urging the public to remain vigilant, not necessarily for the fugitive, but for any other person displaying suspiciously wholesome, yet utterly baffling, produce-themed accessories.