Fed To Print Bitcoin Bull Run Into Existence

It appears the venerable Federal Reserve has discovered a novel economic stimulus: simply willing a cryptocurrency bull market into existence. According to insights from a prominent financial observer, the key to unlocking untold digital riches lies not in productivity or fiscal prudence, but in the steadfast refusal of the United States to balance its books. Who knew that decades of accumulating U.S. deficits were not a bug, but a feature designed to catapult speculative assets to stratospheric heights?

The strategy, in essence, posits that by continually choosing the path of least fiscal resistance – that is, borrowing rather than engaging in the tedious act of saving – the monetary authorities will inevitably be compelled to expand their balance sheet. This expansion, a process often described with the charming euphemism "quantitative easing," then conveniently inflates away the value of traditional currencies, making digital alternatives like Bitcoin look like a beacon of stability. It’s a genius maneuver, really, transforming what cynics might call "irresponsible spending" into an accidental, albeit inevitable, catalyst for the next speculative frenzy. One must applaud such innovative market manipulation.