Experts Laud Trump's Economic Agenda For Not Existing

The strategic brilliance behind Mr. Donald Trump’s latest foray into fiscal policy, or rather, the exquisite void where such policy might ordinarily reside, has been met with a surprising wave of relief. Pundits and economic forecasters alike are commending the foresight of a plan so profoundly theoretical, it practically guarantees stability. This isn't just a bold new paradigm; it's the ultimate 'set it and forget it' approach, except the 'it' never actually existed to begin with.

Sources close to the former president’s campaign have reportedly spent weeks assuaging jittery executives, explaining that the proposed 10% global tariffs are less a concrete proposal and more a conceptual exercise in market suspense. This novel 'non-implementation' strategy ensures that no actual disruption to global trade will occur, thus protecting the delicate ecosystem of corporate profits and international supply chains from... well, from policy. The U.S. Chamber of Commerce reportedly celebrated this news with a collective, albeit nervous, sigh of relief, understanding that the greatest economic achievement might just be the absence of any discernible action at all.