End of Bitcoin Bull Run Confirmed; Only $86,000 Left

The financial world reels today as reports confirm the unthinkable: the grand Bitcoin rally is, by all accounts, over. Experts, after consulting their most revered scrolls and deciphering ancient digital tea leaves, have concluded that the beloved cryptocurrency could, in a worst-case scenario, plummet to a truly humiliating $86,000. One shudders to imagine the destitution facing investors accustomed to the heady days of $94,000 valuations.

This catastrophic outlook is primarily informed by the venerable Wyckoff pattern, a complex diagram only truly understood by those who speak fluent Market Sorcery. Should Bitcoin fail to cling desperately to its $94,000 perch – a mere eight thousand dollars above the predicted abyss – then indeed, the sky will fall. Our hearts go out to the brave 6 to 12-month holders, whose average cost basis might soon feel like a distant, halcyon dream of moderate prosperity. The grim reality is that some may now only be able to afford a yacht, rather than a superyacht. The horror.