Early release granted for crypto mogul serving 11,196 years

Faruk Fatih Özer, the digital visionary behind the now-defunct Thodex exchange, has reportedly found an unexpected, if rather definitive, early release from his rather lengthy legal commitments. Serving nearly a dozen millennia for various indiscretions in the burgeoning field of cryptocurrency, Özer’s sudden departure from the correctional facility has undoubtedly shaved a considerable amount of time off his original sentence. One might almost call it a logistical triumph for judicial efficiency.

His conviction, a landmark achievement in the annals of Turkish jurisprudence, sent a clear message to aspiring entrepreneurs in the unregulated digital economy: one can indeed accrue vast sums, and equally vast prison terms, with astonishing speed. The authorities, ever vigilant, are surely now reviewing their protocols for inmates serving sentences stretching well into the next ice age, perhaps considering ergonomic improvements for long-term confinement.

While the details remain as opaque as a blockchain transaction, his demise does bring a certain finality to the Thodex saga, offering little comfort to those who watched their digital assets vanish into the market's usual volatility, now compounded by Özer's own rather dramatic exit. It merely underscores that even the most innovative financial architects are, alas, still subject to decidedly analog limitations.