Durov Arrested For Operating An Overly Private Jet

Pavel Durov, the elusive founder of Telegram, found his latest daring act of personal privacy abruptly curtailed Saturday evening. Sources report the tech magnate was apprehended shortly after disembarking from his private aerial conveyance at Le Bourget airport at approximately 8 p.m. Authorities were reportedly "shocked" by the sheer opacity of the aircraft, which, much like its owner's messaging app, offered a concerning lack of easily accessible information regarding its internal goings-on.

The primary charge, according to anonymous officials, revolves around the jet's "excessive privacy features." Concerns were raised regarding soundproofing levels that rendered external eavesdropping impossible and window tinting so extreme it verged on what one official termed "digital encryption for your eyeballs." Such audacious disregard for transparency, especially after a transatlantic flight, has led to speculation about what nefarious transactions or, perhaps more alarmingly, *unmonitored thoughts* could have transpired within. Pavel Durov himself remained typically stoic, a trait often confused with "suspiciously uncommunicative" by those who prefer their public figures to narrate their every blink. Industry insiders are now bracing for an era where even your aerial conveyances might require a backdoor key.