Dogecoin Pattern Triggers Global Emergency Broadcast

The world held its breath this morning as the Emergency Broadcast System blared across all channels, not for a meteor strike or an alien invasion, but for the most pressing geopolitical development of our age: a Dogecoin chart pattern. Experts from the venerable International Monetary Fund to local high school students who watched a YouTube tutorial confirmed the dreaded "double top" formation, a harbinger of potential market instability that could, presumably, lead to slightly fewer Lamborghinis for a select few.

With a "bearish target" confirmed at $0.238, governments worldwide enacted contingency plans usually reserved for nuclear winter. The crucial "trendline retest" at $0.24-$0.25 was monitored with the intensity of a lunar landing, as billions sat transfixed, awaiting updates on whether a digital cartoon dog coin would maintain its "breakout structure." One can only imagine the sigh of collective relief when the resistance, thankfully, remained firmly in place, averting what could have been... well, a minor dip in some people's portfolios. Truly, humanity's priorities have never been clearer.