Deaton Bets Big On Senate Run, Cites 'Diamond Hands' For Victory

John Deaton, the tenacious advocate for digital ledger enthusiasts, has once again decided his talents are best served in the hallowed halls of the United States Senate. Undeterred by what one might charitably call a "market correction" in his previous electoral bid against Senator Warren, Deaton is now apparently employing a strategy popular amongst the most dedicated purveyors of speculative digital assets: "diamond hands."

This bold approach, traditionally associated with holding onto a volatile asset despite plummeting value, suggests a profound faith in his own political token. Voters in the state will no doubt be reassured by a candidate whose electoral strategy mirrors the investment wisdom of those who bought a certain dog-themed cryptocurrency at its peak. After all, what could be more fitting for public office than a steadfast refusal to cut one's losses? One can only assume the constituents are eager to see if their collective portfolio of hopes and dreams will finally "moon."