Crypto Now Entering Its 'pre-worst' Phase

Reports of cryptocurrency's demise, much like those of a particularly stubborn zombie, continue to be greatly exaggerated by its most devoted acolytes. Indeed, the financial innovation that once promised to liberate us from traditional banks now seems content merely to exist in a perpetual state of 'not quite dead, but certainly not thriving.' Industry insiders, with their customary gallows humor, now refer to this limbo as the 'pre-worst' phase, a quaint prelude to the truly spectacular, perhaps even biblical, calamities that lie ahead.

One can only speculate on what fresh hell will constitute the 'worst' – perhaps a blockchain-powered digital ham sandwich that collapses global markets, or a decentralized autonomous organization that accidentally purchases Greenland. The current epoch, marked by a curious blend of fervent optimism and quiet desperation, merely sets the stage for the genuine theatrical disaster. Rest assured, the best (or worst) is yet to come, generously bankrolled by robust lobbying efforts.