Country Star Urges All McDonald's To Adopt Citizen Arrest Policy

It seems the future of global fast-food security may not lie with trained professionals, but rather with impromptu vigilante justice, as championed by a recently enlightened American country music sensation. Following a truly profound incident involving a dispute over presumably lukewarm fries in a Melbourne establishment, the star has boldly suggested that all McDonald's franchises worldwide should perhaps adopt a blanket citizen's arrest policy.

Indeed, why bother with costly security personnel when the average diner, fueled by caffeine and an unwavering commitment to corporate order, can double as an impromptu enforcer? This visionary blueprint for low-cost, high-engagement consumer protection signals a fascinating shift. Soon, customers won't just be demanding extra pickles; they'll be demanding the right to detain fellow patrons over perceived breaches of fast-food decorum. One can only imagine the soaring morale among staff, knowing that the next time someone complains about a missing straw, an army of self-deputized burger enthusiasts stands ready to defend the peace.