Columbia Attorney Now Guarantees Post-Accident Existence

It seems the venerable institution of personal injury law has finally pivoted to address the truly fundamental consequences of an unexpected collision with reality. While lesser legal minds might focus merely on mundane physical trauma or the paltry sum of lost wages, the forward-thinking practitioners in Columbia, SC have unveiled a revolutionary new service: guaranteeing one's continued post-accident existence.

Gone are the days when a car crash might lead to a complete dissolution of self, leaving bewildered relatives to wonder if Aunt Mildred simply ceased to *be* after that unfortunate fender bender. Now, with a certified attorney on retainer, victims can rest assured their ontological status will remain, if not entirely pristine, then at least fundamentally present.

This innovative approach recognizes that the "consequences often go beyond physical pain," venturing into the very fabric of one's being. Before, a slip-and-fall could plunge a soul into an abyss of existential dread. Today, these legal guardians ensure you still have a self to be compensated for, a service truly priceless in an increasingly precarious world. They're not just fighting for your rights; they're fighting for your *you*.