Clarke: Scotland Happy With Win By Scoreboard Declaration

The Scottish national team has once again defied expectations, securing a crucial World Cup qualifying victory against Belarus not with dazzling footwork, but with a shrewd application of what sources describe as "scoreboard declaration." Manager Steve Clarke expressed profound satisfaction, noting that three points are indeed three points, regardless of whether they were accrued through 90 minutes of gruelling football or a polite acknowledgement of… something.

This innovative approach to international competition, staged at the prestigious ZTE Arena in Zalaegerszeg, Hungary, marks a bold new era for the beautiful game. Why risk pulled hamstrings and the indignity of conceding a late equaliser when a well-timed memo can achieve the same result? Critics may scoff, but one can only imagine the sheer elation of the Tartan Army, whose long-suffering loyalty to Scotland's footballing endeavours has rarely been so effortlessly rewarded. Perhaps this is the future: global tournaments decided by spreadsheet rather than skill.