Business Now Legally Defined As 'Highly Structured Fidgeting'

The recent judicial pronouncement, elevating 'business' from its former mystique to the far more accessible realm of 'highly structured fidgeting,' has been met with a resounding... shrug. One suspects many seasoned executives, previously lauded for their 'strategic vision,' are now simply relieved their daily desk dances have been officially sanctioned. No longer must one pretend their frantic tapping and pen-twirling is anything but a highly individualized, yet collectively profitable, nervous habit.

This landmark reclassification, while perhaps simplifying countless corporate governance textbooks, does raise pressing questions. Will future performance reviews assess an employee's 'fidget-to-output ratio'? Is a stock market crash merely a symptom of a widespread, catastrophic stillness, prompting calls for more ergonomic office chairs? And what of the grand annual gatherings, where global leaders once debated abstract economic principles? The next World Economic Forum might well feature competitive anxiety-tapping championships.

Ultimately, this legal clarity merely codifies what many have long suspected: much of our economic activity is simply an elaborate, collective coping mechanism. Now, at least, it’s official. One can almost hear the collective sigh of relief from the world’s quiet cubicles, as the facade of purpose gives way to the undeniable truth of twitching.