Boyd Gaming Reaches $1 Billion; Now Where To Put It All

Boyd Gaming has reportedly achieved the truly daunting milestone of $1 billion in revenues for its third quarter, prompting a collective sigh of relief from executives everywhere who understand the immense pressure of merely existing in the financial stratosphere. One can only imagine the internal memo detailing the excruciating effort required to accumulate such an unwieldy sum, particularly for a company whose primary business model involves encouraging the public to part with their hard-earned cash.

This colossal financial triumph was apparently facilitated, in part, by a timely FanDuel stake sale. It's a testament to the ingenuity of modern capitalism that one can 'earn' a billion dollars by strategically offloading a slice of another highly profitable gambling enterprise, thus avoiding the tiresome process of, say, inventing something genuinely useful.

The company now faces the truly unenviable task of deciding where to squirrel away this vast fortune. Will it be reinvested into more glittering casinos, perhaps adorned with solid gold slot machines? Or will the bulk be dutifully returned to shareholders through generous stock buybacks, ensuring that the money flows ever-upward, away from anything resembling a societal ill? The options are truly limitless, and equally predictable.