Border Parasite Now Eligible For Federal Farm Subsidies

The New World Screwworm, previously considered an unwelcome visitor, has reportedly achieved a remarkable economic promotion, now qualifying for Federal Farm Subsidies. Sources within the labyrinthine halls of agricultural policy confirm that the obligate parasite, known for its industrious consumption of live tissue, will soon be able to apply for assistance, much like any other struggling American farm. This unprecedented move aims to recognize the 'unseen labor' involved in its migratory enterprise across the US-Mexico Border.

Critics are, of course, baffled, pointing to the irony of incentivizing a species whose primary contribution involves decimating livestock, an industry these very subsidies are meant to support. Yet, proponents within the U.S. Department of Agriculture argue that the screwworm, in its unique capacity, acts as a 'natural culling agent,' streamlining herds and potentially reducing the nation's beef surplus. Observing the increasingly barren corrals near Santa Teresa, New Mexico, one can only marvel at the efficiency of such a novel, albeit fleshy, economic model. It's truly a testament to adaptive policy in the face of evolving biological realities.